Okay, okay...
I realize that not everyone who reads this is going to be the huge Game of Thrones fan that I am...so let me give you a little back story into one of my favorite characters:
Jon Snow is raised as the bastard son of a well-to-do lord who is close with the King of the land. Although Jon struggles with lots of his own demons, he is strong, loving, loyal, smart, a great leader...and slightly sheltered. At one point in the series he finds himself in a bit of Romeo and Juliet scenario. He is very much in love with a girl from the wrong side of the tracks. I'll let you watch (or read, which I haven't done) to find out what happens, but his love interest always has one thing to say to Jon:
"You know nothing, Jon Snow.".
This phrase runs through my head several times a day, and as cheesy as it sounds, it's become a bit of a mantra for me. You see, the older I get the more I realize how little I know... and for some reason, I'm starting to feel that admitting it feels a lot like freedom.
A few days ago, while driving out of town for a long weekend, my husband and I got into a discussion about ghosts. It boiled down to this:
My husband hasn't seen PROOF that ghosts exist, so he chooses to believe they don't but is open to changing his mind if proof were to present himself.
I haven't seen PROOF that ghosts exist, so I choose to believe that I don't know if they exist or not.
Trying to explain why this small, subtle, difference was important to me, or even what it meant, was tough.
But I think it comes down to open-mindedness.
You see, I believe, that if you put yourself into one camp on a topic such as this, it can be hard to keep your mind truly open. Keeping my feet firmly planted in indecision frees me from having to justify or compare my beliefs to others.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that accepting how little I really know frees me from judgment (or placing it) in all kind of areas in my life, from the simple all the way to the hugely complex.
While I was sitting upstairs earlier blow-drying my hair (yes, that is really when I was pondering all of this), one example came up in my mind: Child Abuse.
Now I'd like to make a firm statement here: ABUSING A CHILD IS ALWAYS WRONG.
That being said, it's very easy to directly put the fault on the abuser, and quickly bring judgment to them, often labeling them as a 'bad person' or 'bad parent', but the reality is much different. Yes, some child-abusers are very much 'bad people', but more often than not they are overwhelmed and under-supported parents who are trying their best but got lost and made (REALLY) poor choices.
I remember taking a parenting class when my oldest was pretty little, and one of the only things that stuck with my was the instructor talking about the road to child abuse. She talked about how every parent has a day (or lots of days) when they are at their wits end. When they don't know what to do, and they feel like they are failing. They feel hopeless. They love their child, but it's easy to lose sight of that when you truly feel like there is nothing you can do. In that moment, every parent sees the path to child abuse.
At the time I felt like that was a bit dramatic. That was until I had that moment myself. I had a child who would. not. sleep. I was EXHAUSTED, my husband was EXHAUSTED. It was hard to function. In that moment I saw the road to child abuse. I choose not to take it, but I can see how someone who doesn't have a support system or the education (or the ability to put her in her crib and shut the door) might end up walking down that path even if it was the last thing they thought they would ever do.
I guess my (long and meandering) point here would be that I never really know what someone else is dealing with.
"You know nothing, Jon Snow"
If I accept that I really don't know what another parent is going through it frees me to come at them with love and an open mind rather than judgment, and at the end of the day love and support are the things that will help people better their (and their childrens) lives.
Recently a local celebrity came in to my work. He was downright rude. My initial response was to be pissed.
'What a jerk!'
'Who does he think he is?'
'I'll never support one of his endeavors again!'
...the list could go on.
After I got home from work, one of the (amazing) ladies that I work with texted me. She had googled him and it turns out that a few year ago his wife had died... She reminded me that maybe, just maybe, it was the anniversary of his wife's death. Or maybe the reason he had come to our store was because something his wife had given him, and that he had treasured, had broken and needed replacing.
The reminder that I KNOW NOTHING was able to bring me back to a healthy place. A place where I could stop assuming and passing judgement. A better place to be... for him and for me.
Anytime I feel myself about to pass judgement on someone I try to remember that pharse:
"You know nothing, Jon Snow."
This is still something I'm working on... and I'm sure I'll be working on it a long time...probably forever, but the more I do it, the easier it gets... and the more free I feel.
Just like Jon Snow, I know nothing.
