15 years

Today is The Man and I's anniversary.  We have officially been married forever (well, 15 years which basically feels like forever when you get married young ).  When people, especially younger people, find out how long we've been married they will occasionally comment with something to the effect of:

You must be soulmates.

To be honest I think the whole 'soulmates' thing is horse shit.  7 billion people in the world and I'm supposed to think I stumbled on the one guy who I could stand to live with and still love for this many years?  Nope.  We have just managed to figure out how make things work, even when things aren't at their best.  I could sum up how to have a successful marriage in one sentence:

Don't be a shit head.

But somehow I think I could be accused of over simplifying some things.  In an attempt to avoid that I've decided to come up with my very own top 10 list.

 "How The Man and I have stayed married for 15 years" top 10 list:

10.  We are okay with the fact that we are both going to change.  The Man is a different person (figuratively, not literally) now than he was when we got married, and thank God I'm different too.  I'm proud of the ways I've grown and changed.  I think I'm smarter, stronger, and more sure of myself than I was then.  Change is good.

9.   He makes me breakfast, and I make him potroast.  You may think I jest, but pancakes and bacon are direct roads to my heart.  It's hard not to love someone who feeds you delicious foods...even harder not to love them when they also clean the dishes after they cook.

8.  We support each other in our craziness.  I have a way of coming up with really wonderful, and stupid, and grand ideas.  The Man never looks at me like I'm crazy (well, not totally), and he'll play along at least some of the time.  It may be a 1000+ road trip over a three day weekend, or just a overly ambitious hike.  He might not join me for all my adventures, but he's always supportive and gives me the space to stretch my wild heart.  I'd like to think I do the same for him.  Support him, encourage him...give him the occasional nudge to try something he's been thinking about.

7.   We try to look good for each other.  I try not to wear clothes that he hates (at least most of the time), and I make sure my nails look good because I know that he likes that.  Hit the gym, and stay away from mom-jeans.  Taking care of yourself physically not only makes you look better, but it means you have more confidence and that's sexy too.

6. We try to let little shit roll off our backs.  Sometimes The Man does stuff that drives me crazy...and I KNOW I do things that drive him mad.  But if you let the little shit build up it becomes big.  So I do my best to let the little things go (although, I'll be honest, sometimes this is harder than it sounds).

5. We make memories together...lots of them.  Take lots of risks, go on lots of adventures.  They don't have to be big, or far away, or expensive, but they have to have intention.  This is the fuel that drives my life.  As cheesy as it sounds, I really believe that you have to make everyday an adventure.  If you try to find adventure in the little things, everyday life is much more enjoyable.

4.  We keep the house clean.  Okay, this may sound silly, but I really believe it helps.  If the house gets too messy it's harder for either of us to relax and enjoy each other.  Sometimes all it takes if an extra 15 minutes a day to pick up the clutter.

3. We just do it.  Lets talk about sex; with kids and jobs, and all the other life crap, sometimes it's hard to get in the mood.  I've found that if I just go with it, even if I'm not in the mood to start with, I'll end up being really glad I did.   And while we are on the topic, have fun with it, be adventurous, be open.  I guess what I'm saying is: Don't get in a rut.

2.  We try to be thoughtful.  We do little things for each other.  It may be bringing home flowers, or a bottle of whiskey.  It could be anything, but just try to be thoughtful and do little things for your partner.  If they are stressed, try to find a way to help.  Shoot a middle of the day text, or leave a note in the morning.  Just let your partner know that you are thinking about them and that you've got their back.

1.  We spend time apart.  I really believe this one is key.  I don't want to spend all my time around The Man.   There isn't anyone on the planet that I would want to be around all the time.  Hell, if I could I'd love to have some time away from myself every once in a while.  He's totally on the same page.  He spends one evening a week out with friends.  I usually take about one trip a year without him.  We spend time with friends.  We have hobbies that don't involve each other.  I'm not sure I'm going to go as far as to say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it certainly doesn't hurt.

Well, there ya go.

10 things that have helped The Man and I stay married for forever.  They might not work for everyone, but they have certainly helped us.  Every relationship is different, so it's important to find your own list.

What works for you?

I'm off to pack for camping... with children and my parents...not exactly a romantic way to spend our anniversary...but I'm alright with that.