I distinctly remember one interaction I had with my mom when I was a tween.
It was late evening, and I think I was supposed to be asleep, or at least in bed. I don't remember what drew me out of my bedroom and into the living room, but something did. As I was walking down the hall towards the living room I could hear my mom on the phone, and based on the conversation they were having, I knew that she was talking with her best friend who lived on the other side of the country. I also don't remember what made me stop and listen to what was being said, but I did. What I do remember was my mom saying:
"I feel like I just never know which Emily I'm going to get, the happy one or the moody one."
For whatever tween, hormonal, emotional reason, hearing this sent me into a crazy spiral. I remember being so mad...I mean, what could my mom be talking about...I was just me...just Emily... always Emily.
Fast forward 24 odd years and I totally get it. I hate to admit it, but I totally get it. I honestly don't remember being much of a typical tween, but the fact that I remember that interaction means that I certainly was.
Now I'm in the boat my mom was in. Sometimes my Sweet Girl is so happy, easy to get along with, and thoughtful, other times...well, lets just say, not so much. It really is a daily struggle, and sometimes the only thing that gets me through it is knowing that my friends with tween girls are going through the same thing. I'm not alone. She really is normal. These are the things I keep repeating to myself.
But, like I said, there are the moments when she is one of the sweetest girls I have ever had the joy of knowing. These moments, when there are random acts of kindness and pure love, remind me that maybe I'm not doing EVERYTHING wrong, maybe things are going alright. Every once in a while I'm reminded that we really are doing something right.
Yesterday was one of those moments.
It was the kids last day of summer vacation. I had basically told them that they could do whatever they wanted until we had to head into town for some last minute, get ready for school, errands. They watched too much TV, they played with legos, they ate junk food...all the things summers are supposed to be made of. Then Sweet Girl asked Little Man if he would like to ride his bike with her down to the pond. Sure...and they are off. The only inkling I had that anything special was about to go down was that she had her purse with her. There is a little market by the pond that sells some basic groceries and I thought she might have her eye on some candy. Well, 20 minutes later and I hear the kids coming back, and one of them has a treat: ice cream, but it's not Sweet Girl...she surprised her brother with an ice cream cone.
My heart swelled with love at this sight.
The act of giving and not receiving.
The random act of kindness.
The act of finding joy in someone else's happiness.
It was one of my favorite moments all summer long.
So as I sit here, enjoying the silence that the first day of school has brought upon my house, I am going to put this one in the bank. This memory will be stored away in a sacred place to be called on when needed. In those moments where I struggle to parent a tween, in the moments where I wonder where my sweet girl has gone, I will call upon it as reassurance that I am doing something right.
Every once in awhile the universe gives us the gift of being able to see the forest through the trees.
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