these memories are etched in stone

I remember exactly where I was 9 years ago.  I was at Costco.

I remember I ran into a friend while I was there, we chatted about life, and how I was feeling.  At apx. 37 weeks pregnant I wasn't feeling great.

I remember some of what I bought that day.  I remember buying pork, bringing it home and dividing the huge, Costco sized, package up into smaller packages for freezing.

I remember that the little boy in my belly hadn't been very active that day, so I had a glass of orange juice and laid down to see if I could get him moving.

I remember my husband encouraging me to call the Doctor when the OJ didn't help, when the nap didn't help.

I remember driving myself to the hospital, sure that I would be hooked up to monitors for at least an hour...how I would have to push a little button...how the nurses would tell me to head back home. They would tell me that my baby was fine, that 'room to move' was just getting sparse in that great big belly of mine.

I was convinced I'd be driving myself back home that evening, bummed to lose one of our last afternoons as a family of three.

The details of that day are etched in my memory.

I never expected that once I was hooked up to the machines and wires I wouldn't have to push that little button even once.

I never imagined that they would call for a tech, and she would hook me up to an ultrasound machine. That she would sit and watch my baby's heart rate go up and up, and that the sweet baby in my tummy would refuse to move the whole time she watched.

I never imagined that they would tell me that I needed to call my husband, that he should come, without our daughter, that he should bring a hospital bag.

I never imagined they would tell me that they couldn't wait any longer...

That we were having a baby now.

Fast forward nine years.

I never would have imagined how my son would love math and science.  How he'd dream of being an environmental scientist to help save animal habitat.

I never would have imagined the heart of gold he would have.  How he'll spend his allowance on a toy for the dog, or give it to a homeless person instead of saving for toys.

I never would have imagined that he'd have his own sense of style, with shaggy, surfer-boy hair, and a love of crazy sneakers.

I never would have imagined that my son would be so strong, and work so hard at a sport that he loves.

I never would have imagined that he would have the same sense of adventure that I do.  That he would love climbing mountains and swimming lakes.  That he would dream of traveling to Egypt and Africa.

I never would have believed I could love him so much.

Happy Birthday Little Man!

In this moment of happiness and joy for me and my family, I want to take a moment and acknowledge that things turned out good for us.  That night in the hospital my boy was born with nothing that some antibiotics, love from family, and good care from amazing doctors and nurses couldn't fix.

We are the lucky ones.

My heart is with you today if you have suffered from infertility, miscarriage, or infant/child loss.

My heart is with you.