I'm working on happiness

"So, what are you doing now that you aren't working?'

I kinda dread those words.

Truth be told I doubt that they often carry judgement.  I'm probably putting my own fear on someone else's words.  Whatever the reason, I hate that question.

My kids are both school age, so that means that between the hours of 8:15 and 3:15 I'm without the responsibility of anyone else.  So how do I fill those hours?  Is that even a question that needs a response?

For some reason I feel the need to be able to explain to others how I fill my hours.  No, I'm not sitting around eating bonbons and watching soaps.  The TV doesn't even get turned on.  Sometimes I listen to records while I work (look the W word...even though I'm not getting paid), but truth be told, I rarely have the time to even turn music on.

So what does fill my hours?   Well, all the crap that I used to have to fit into the one hour between work and picking the kids up from school, for one.  Those tasks and errands, the things that had me running around like a chicken with my head cut off, the things that left me frazzled, stressed, and always feeling like I was forgetting something, these things get done now without stress.  The groceries get bought, and the oil gets changed.  The little appointments that required either time off work or the timing of a ninja are so much easier to fit in.  The kids appointments that required one parent take time off of work are no big deal anymore.  A few weeks ago my husband had to work out of town for the week, in the past this would have been a huge headache, as he was the one to get the kids to school, now it's no big deal.  In the evenings I can spend time with my husband rather than trying to get one last load of laundry done.  All in all things just run smoother.

Those tasks that were always getting put off are getting crossed off, little by little.

Yesterday I canned 16 pints of applesauce and 8 pints of salsa...in years past, this is something that just wouldn't have gotten done.

I get to have lunch with my kids every couple of weeks.

I'm able to take (baby) steps to building a business.

Ya know what else fills my days?  Relationships.

I'm not talking meeting the girls for gossip every day at 10am.  I'm talking being able to spend time with the friend who is really going through a rough time and needs an ear.  I'm talking spending time with the new mom who's feeling super cooped up, and being able to say yes when a friend asks for a favor.

I'm a month into the journey of being a stay at home mom with kids in school.  I like to think I'm a month into a weird journey of self discovery.  I haven't figured out all (or really even any) of the big questions that I have, but I have proven that a house runs a lot smoother when there is someone who can focus on all the little crap.

Last night I asked my husband how he feels about me being home.  I think he was a bit afraid to answer.  He simply said that he just wants me to be happy and that he feels like I've been happier.  I guess that's the ultimate goal for all of us.  Happier.  I'm hoping that not only will I be happier, but we will all feel the release of tension.  We will all be happier.

Maybe that's how I should answer when people ask what I'm doing now that I'm not working...

"I'm working on happiness"